Culture is like Fewikwik. People use both to bind anything and everything that is broken and also to shut people’s mouths. Anyway, it was decided a long time ago, with the help of this all-purpose culture, how a woman should be to be deemed ideal for marriage. I know, things are changing. But knowing how to tread the waters of marriage-hood, yes, it’s a hood because you will not only inherit a man-child but also his family, will make things easier. Here’s a brief guide of what’s expected:
1. She has to have a ninja-like sexuality. She has to be all innocent and ignorant when she isn’t married. And once marriage happens she has to ‘blossom’ in the hands of her husband.
2. Aparichitudu should have nothing on her. She can be her lazy, ‘Ammma manchi neellu’ self when she is at her mother’s home but she will have to be the all-cheery, rainbow-farting ‘Sitamma Vakitlo’s Sita’ when she is at her in-laws.
3. She also has to know how to be a chameleon, because if she is different from the way she used to be her mother will say ‘Pellayaka chala maripoyav’, and is she stays the way she was brought up, the mother-in-law will say, ‘Nerchukovalamma ma padathulu’. Padhathule kakunda panulu kuda vachundalandoyi!
4. She should know how to balance work-home priorities, because if she is too ambitious ‘Mogadi la tirugtundhi. Illu chudu ela undho..’ and if she prefers home life ‘maa rojulo ee chance unte nela intlo kurchinedanini kadhu.’
5. She has to take anger management lessons. A lot of them, in fact. Because no matter how long you’ve been married, the husband will always say something like ‘Athaya chesina pulusu la ledhu’, ‘Baane undhi gani, Amma vanta amma vante.’ She has to be calm enough to not kill him when he says something like that.
6. When she has kids, she has to learn to be okay if her snotty kid treats her parents as outsiders while embracing her husband’s parents. Do not hit the child, but you can make him/her watch while you eat their chocolate. That should be fun. Maybe, buy another one later because they can be super annoying when pissed.
7. She has to make peace with the fact that her husband will always choose to save his mother if they were ever to be on a sinking boat. For a woman, her son is the most perfect man there ever is and you are the luckiest woman to have married him. Do not shatter that illusion by making a list of all the things he does that annoy the hell out of you. Let her enjoy the fantasy.
Final Friendly Tip: Do not ever involve yourself in a fight between your husband and his mother. They will make up soon enough and you’ll become a ‘pappu’ in the process.
That said, your mother in-law is just a parent who wants her son to be happy. Maybe, she gets a bit defensive and possessive in the process, but who doesn't?
2. Aparichitudu should have nothing on her. She can be her lazy, ‘Ammma manchi neellu’ self when she is at her mother’s home but she will have to be the all-cheery, rainbow-farting ‘Sitamma Vakitlo’s Sita’ when she is at her in-laws.
3. She also has to know how to be a chameleon, because if she is different from the way she used to be her mother will say ‘Pellayaka chala maripoyav’, and is she stays the way she was brought up, the mother-in-law will say, ‘Nerchukovalamma ma padathulu’. Padhathule kakunda panulu kuda vachundalandoyi!
4. She should know how to balance work-home priorities, because if she is too ambitious ‘Mogadi la tirugtundhi. Illu chudu ela undho..’ and if she prefers home life ‘maa rojulo ee chance unte nela intlo kurchinedanini kadhu.’
5. She has to take anger management lessons. A lot of them, in fact. Because no matter how long you’ve been married, the husband will always say something like ‘Athaya chesina pulusu la ledhu’, ‘Baane undhi gani, Amma vanta amma vante.’ She has to be calm enough to not kill him when he says something like that.
6. When she has kids, she has to learn to be okay if her snotty kid treats her parents as outsiders while embracing her husband’s parents. Do not hit the child, but you can make him/her watch while you eat their chocolate. That should be fun. Maybe, buy another one later because they can be super annoying when pissed.
7. She has to make peace with the fact that her husband will always choose to save his mother if they were ever to be on a sinking boat. For a woman, her son is the most perfect man there ever is and you are the luckiest woman to have married him. Do not shatter that illusion by making a list of all the things he does that annoy the hell out of you. Let her enjoy the fantasy.
Final Friendly Tip: Do not ever involve yourself in a fight between your husband and his mother. They will make up soon enough and you’ll become a ‘pappu’ in the process.
That said, your mother in-law is just a parent who wants her son to be happy. Maybe, she gets a bit defensive and possessive in the process, but who doesn't?
